A Linda se le perdio su mente.

Yesterday was the weirdest day we have ever had in class. I'm pretty positive Linda has been hitting some kind of meds to cope with her personal life, and I think she doubled up doses. First of all, Crazy Lillie is obsessed with notecards. She makes them for every quiz and sits there at the beginning of class like a supernerd reading them over and over. This would be normal if Linda didn't practically give us the answers. For example, Greg and I didn't study at all and made a 100 on the vocab quiz yesterday because she went over the answers before she handed us the paper. While Linda is reading directly from the quiz, Lillie is still reading those stupid notecards and passing them over to Crystal who apparently doesn't understand that Linda is telling us the answers. So then we start the quiz and Greg and I finish in like 5 minutes and are just waiting on the other two to quit being stupid. Then Lillie gets up and starts asking Linda questions about half the words on the quiz like "What does this word mean?" Well it's a quiz, idiot. So Linda calls her out. "You have all your notecards over there and you still have to come up here and ask me questions. I think you just like your exercise." Then Crystal turns her in and she has managed to screw it up (shocker) so Linda calls her out too, "Well this word is a noun so its definition is probably not a verb." "I thought this word meant happy?" "Well you matched it up with a verb that means the opposite of happy so I don't know why you would do that." This is in front of the whole class. She also tried to make us all a cup of tea from some place in the Himalayas. Thanks, we'll pass.

Then Linda starts talking about the next vocabulary quiz and says, "Was it you I was telling about the vocabulary or was it... uh... your other classmate... uh... Meredith? Did I just tell Meredith?" We just stared blankly then she just said "Oh nevermind, I'll just explain again." At this point I looked at Greg and asked "Who the hell is Meredith?" We don't have another classmate. No one named Meredith has ever been in our class.

Then she starts explaining how we would describe our brothers and sisters as older or younger and she brings up James and Jesus as an example. She goes off in lalaland again as she starts to ponder out loud, "I wonder what it was like to have Jesus as a brother. Do you think it would be strange to have a perfect brother? I think I would love it. My brother could look out for me all the time, etc." We were all looking at each other like WTF (except for Crystal of course who was mesmerized by a blank sheet of paper).

We were listening to an oral conversation later and the people were Cuban and talked faster than our usual conversations, so she made fun of them. "They're Cuban so they think they need to talk fast." Then she was reading back the conversation slower and she was mocking the way their voices sounded. So far this semester she has offended her husband, gay people and every country that speaks Spanish.

We're supposed to get out of class at 12:30 but we usually get out at like 12. At like 12:28, she picks up her cell phone, looks at the screen, and says, "I guess we can pick up here tomorrow. I'll go ahead and let y'all out 30 minutes early." We look at her weirdly and she says, "It's noon." Lillie says, "No it's 12:30 now." "Oh... well I'm just out of it today." Yeah no shit.

I'm going to include some text messages so everyone knows I am telling the God's honest truth about these people. I only have 12 more days, but it might as well be an eternity.

This one is proof of how weird Lillie is:

This is from this morning. 

Pick me, choose me, love me.

Monologues like this make me want to be a writer. What girl hasn't thought this? I would never ever say it out loud, but Meredith does. She makes herself so vulnerable it's almost painful to watch. In my opinion, if anyone has the guts to actually say that out loud to the person they love, the person they love should accept this challenge. Derek was so stupid back then.

While I wish I could be more normal like Meredith, I'm a Christina. This is as vulnerable as it gets for her, and I can't help but feel her pain.

This episode from season 2 is one of my faves and it was on Lifetime today so I thought I would share. I miss the old Grey's before it got so complicated and everyone started dying off one by one.

Life Update!

I know my blog has been sketch lately, so I wanted everyone to know that my DVR and I are still happy and in love. It's time I get back to basics and talk about what's really important in my life.

Let's talk Emily.
The Men Tell All.

I'm just jumping right in to my thoughts on all the nonsense that went down tonight. First of all, everyone who was eliminated on like night 2 needs to go ahead leave because I don't remember your names whatsoever.

I'm going to be honest. Kalon is rich, almost too good looking, and from Texas, so it really hurts me inside to hate him. The guy really just gets worse and worse though. On that same thought, why isn't GTFO the Bachelorette tagline? If I was giving out roses, it would be. "If you didn't get roses, GTFO." I'm glad Emily put him in his place because he really deserved it.

Every time ABC has to bleep Emily, I feel better about my life. I could never be the Bachelorette because I have no filter, and apparently neither does she. She really gives me hope.

Even though Kalon was the harshest, Ryan and Chris are the worst two men on the show in my opinion.
Chris was being such a baby the whole time and made me want to change the channel. Also, his dancing skills are on par with his personality. Kathy says Chris's mannerisms remind her of Gary (my sister's controlling ex) which isn't exactly a stretch. Dad cannot stand Chris's face to be on the screen, much less for him to talk. Kathy said, "Didn't they show him in bed with like three different people? He's right back on the horse... so to speak." I don't think she's ready for BP.

On the other hand, Dad is fascinated by Ryan. I guess I understand, because the guy is insane. I'm glad ABC compiled all of his smooth talking into one video because it was so entertaining.

And Sean! Sean, please call me. I feel so sorry for Emily. Sean is the direct opposite of my type, but I would seriously marry him today. He is so committed and serious about relationships, which is so comforting. He has a great family and a great job and seems really stable. Why you would choose a race car driver and a skateboarder instead is beyond me. I see what she sees in the other two, but you're looking for a husband and a father, Emily! Sean is perfection. She talks about her ugly crying while she was watching Sean's episode, but I couldn't care less. You dumped him! You broke his heart, and America's.

Between the bottom two, I personally would choose Jef. Jef is really funny. I think he and I would be besties if we actually knew each other because he tells my kind of jokes. I don't think he's ready to be a dad and I don't think he and Emily will last, but I like him. Of course I have this knack for picking men that aren't right for me, so he kind of fits. I would make him change his hair, obvs. Arie is hot, but I feel like he would be so uninteresting. It would be like talking to a wall. Maybe that's just the editing, though, since Emily claims he is hilarious. I'm interested to see what happens!

Um the Bachelor Pad preview was the best entertainment! REID!!! REID!! REID! I love him. I was Team Reid before there was a Team Reid. I couldn't believe Jillian dumped him when she did. He is totally my type. Complete nerd. He is my favorite Bachelor and I've seen pretty much every season. I'm excited to watch Ed too even though I hated him from day 1. (MB and I used to agree to disagree on this, but I think she might understand why I don't like him.) He cheated on Jillian (who looks like a supermodel and is awesome) and he dissed Alabama on Twitter. Um no. It's over. I hope Reid puts him in his place. Or drowns him in the pool. Mostdramaticbachelorpadever! I'm glad Michael is back too! I like him and think he deserves to find someone. The rest of the previews was basically a giant orgy. Who in the hell would have sex with Chris and how are there three of them under one roof?? And Lindzi went from Ben (ew) to Kalon (double ew)?? (Are Ben and Courtney still together? Someone update me.) This year is going to be crazy. I hope ABC served penicillin with their breakfasts or an epidemic might break out.

1100 miles later...

Dad, Kathy, and I went to Wilmington this weekend to check out apartments for the new life I'm beginning this far. We drove halfway on Thursday night (to Columbia) and spent the night then went the rest of the way Friday. Then, we spent the weekend searching high and low for any and all apartments that would fit my budget (free) and standards (not a rape closet). We went to 18 places total, give or take, and finally settled on one I'm still not happy with. It's 0.4 miles from the front door of my class building, but I was hoping to be farther away from campus. I'm not 18 anymore, but looks like I'll be chilling with the undergrads. I managed to locate the Moe's and Target, which is very important.  

One complex tried to create the look of bubbles with packing peanuts. 

Found Idiot Headquarters 

When I found this one online I thought it might be a winner, but it turned out to be the scariest one. Go figure.

This is my actual apartment. I was really tired so I took the worst pics ever. 

  

The beach is 5 miles away!! 

Friday night we went out on the town to downtown Wilmington. We had no idea where we were going so I just picked a random place to eat that had broken air conditioning. Kathy and I picked two of their "famous" martinis and she got a little drunk. By a little, I mean she didn't know what mashed potatoes were when the waitress put them on the table. Dad thought it was best to go home after that. When we got to the hotel, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was on HBO!! My parents have never seen any HP movie and know nothing about it, but my trip, my tv. It was at the very end when Harry realizes he has to go meet Voldemort. So imagine trying to explain what is going on to people who don't know any of the storyline. At least I didn't sob this time. We're making progress. 

We found this Rolling Stones tribute band in downtown Wilmington on Friday. 

 The Raindrop and Blueberry Heaven 

Saturday was a nightmare. We toured a lot of apartments and I hated all of them. I knew I had to pick one soon, so I just pretended to be happy and filled out the application. I also got in trouble for being rude to all the people that go to UNCW. I'm sorry, I can't be dealing with people telling me I need a bike for a campus that would fit inside of UA's quad. You people need to get it together. I went to Alabama. Maybe that's pretentious, but I don't care. Don't tell me about college, either, because I'm a professional student. That night we drove back to Columbia to stay for the night. I begged the parents to stop at some sort of bar, and BWW was actually having a special on Bud Light. I didn't even order food because all I wanted to do was pass out. Finally, the 23 year old was the drunk one. 

We went shopping on Sunday on the way home and found an 80% off sale at New York and Company. Score! Jillian has been doing her job and I'm back into the size I should be in instead of the size I am after stress-eating. I celebrated by eating a cookie.  

We got home at like 4:30 and I was only able to keep my eyes open until 9:30. It's a hard knock life.

I still haven't unpacked and I had a Spanish test today. I'm still exhausted, so naturally I decided to make a drink and float in the pool for like 45 minutes. I think I've learned too much from Don Draper. While I was out there I watched a fat squirrel steal a tomato and a freaking bird used the bathroom and took a bath in the pool. While I was in it. I also heard a strange noise in the garage so I went inside before I could be held liable for anything that was happening out there.

LM made it to Nola!! (RIP Lil Homie, who did not)

Did you know that I love you? Or were you not aware?

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting my faithful readers again! I went straight to the one guy I knew that could make it up to you. I know it's not a real video, but that voice is enough. When he says "Were you not aware?" it reminds me of George saying "I am aware" about his baldness. So here's another nugget.

 

This past weekend I was reunited with most of my besties in Huntsville for Mary Beth's engagement party. The party was cool but going out and just being with my friends was so much fun. One of the funniest parts of the night was Kelsey introducing herself as Lauren. It was also hilarious when we thought we were going to one bar and then they tricked us into going in Sammy T's! We were in there for a good 45 minutes and I had no idea where we were. I kept thinking "OMG they have two boom boom rooms in Huntsville??" Then I legit argued with Lauren Mann when she told me it was Sammy T's. I was so confused. Church was really good on Sunday, too. On the way home Lara and I were exhausted and hungover and talking about Six Flags, so I missed a turn to keep us on the right road. We ended up in Birmingham and had to backtrack to Pell City. It was reminiscent of the drive back from Gainesville, but thank God it wasn't that long.

Spanish is really trying my patience this week. There is a new girl in our class that I want to strangle. I'm not the best at Spanish, obviously, but this girl is dumber than a bag of hammers. We have to slow everything down. We do a lot of the exercises in the book out loud in class and we go in a row, one person at a time, until we finish the exercise. We do this everyday, and she never knows when it's her turn. She never knows the answer, either. Today we were doing subjunctive tense and she gave an answer in present tense. We did present in 101, homie. This is 202. Get your life together. The book is in front of you. Also, she is going to be absent tomorrow, so Linda kept us late so we could go over tonight and tomorrow's classwork AND she moved last night's homework to tonight. The old bat wasn't even going to let us go to the bathroom. I almost went in the floor. No one would even know it because the living conditions are so poor.

In my global news segment, Candi has found a boo. He thinks she's British. She didn't correct him. This sums up the essence of boowatch. Reality is a fleeting ideal. Sometimes you've just got to change your nationality when a boo is on the line. It's a cut throat game, and not everyone is cut out for it. Candi is firing on all cylinders though. She's like the boowatch MVP of the month. This is obvious since Lauren and I spend our time running away from the losers in our hometowns. 

My favorite part of her new boo is that he's Turkish. Obvs Downton Abbey comes to mind. If he looks anything like Pamuk, then God bless Candi and her little English heart. 

 

My dad is making me research apartments now, so God bless my sanity as well. 

 

 

36 Spanish-free hours!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but my life has been really stressful lately. I'll just leave it at that so no one has to hear the details. 

Something awesome happened today! We took our 201 final today and Linda said it could count twice to take the place of our lowest exam grade if we did well on it. I wasn't really counting on doing well because I am absolutely terrible with verb tenses and that was the majority of the exam. I did know I would get all the culture questions right because I'm baller at that for some reason. I can't tell you where my car keys are at the moment, but let me know if you need to know things about Mexican and Spanish culture. It was the hardest test I've taken in awhile and I ended up guessing on the majority of the test. I got up to turn my test in after Greg and he was asking her what she was going to do because she had put 10 extra questions on the test. That cray just gave us all 10 points. I'm apparently a good guesser and made a 98! It canceled out my 74 and boom I got a 97 in that crazy class AND I'm still alive. This is superb.

Before I got my test grade back though I was stressing about it so naturally I went home, made a drink, and got in the pool for an hour. It wasn't even sunny but who cares. Then I went inside and the Sex and the City finale was on E! so of course I laid in the floor in my bathing suit and watched it while I had another drink. Because I was slightly intoxicated I kept rewinding over and over to watch this scene. The dialogue is perfection. 

Big was my fave from day 1. He is hilarious, straight-forward, attractive, and an ass-- completely my type. I told all you Aiden lovers that she didn't belong with him. No one ever listens to me. 

I also teared up a little bit when Charlotte gets her baby. Alcohol does weird things.

Shout out to Candi for getting her LSAT score back! She did really well, so don't listen to her if she says otherwise! I'm so proud! 

Shout out to LM for sending in her housing contract today! She's so adult I can't deal. 

Also thanks to the friends that haven't been complete turds lately. I appreciate the effort. 

I'm off to study London! Adios.