Inappropriate.

Our family vacay was this weekend, which turned out to be a whole bunch of weird crammed into one weekend. My divorced parents were forced to interact in public and pretend they like each other. Kathy and my mom pretended to like each other. It was really cute and I didn't buy a second of it. You people are not friends. Please stop. 

Kathy's parents were in Mobile too and Friday night Kelsey, Dad, Kathy, and I ate with them at Fly Creek Cafe in Fairhope. There were so many people there it ended up being a four hour affair. Thirty minutes in, a band featured on Andy Griffith started to play so Kelsey and I went to the bathroom (bar) and didn't come back. The grandparents don't approve of alcohol, so we had to hide in the back corner to drink over our boo problems. This led to more lectures from Dad about our alcoholism but I cannot deal with songs about washboards while I starve to death without some kind of liquid encouragement. Oh at the end of the meal, two drunk men walked right past Kelsey and me and hit on Kathy and our grandmother. It was potentially the most discouraging thing ever after our long elaborate talk an hour earlier. Men are so confusing. I never know what's going on with any of them. I wish people would just be straight forward. 

The next day we went to the beach in Gulf Shores which was okay except for the tropical storm nonsense. We kept getting in the water because it was so freaking hot, but the waves kept knocking us down. It was like doing Jillian on vacation. The waves knocked me down and stole my sunglasses. Then they took me to Alvin's Island and they were picking up everything in the store. Oh look at this hermit crab. Look at this bag of seashells. Look at this tie dye shirt. Look at this boogie board. I almost committed a few murders. 

That night, the whole family got together. While I was worrying about dinner, I apparently missed Kathy drinking half of a bottle of wine. She thought it was a good idea to have dinner with her husband and his ex-wife and all the kids when she couldn't form a sentence. Thank God they served some bread and everything turned out okay.

Today Jordan got baptized at his church so we all went as a family. Again. Mother picked this time to let her crazy out and couldn't stop crying. She game him some speech about being proud of him and cried through the whole service. It was so embarrassing. I asked if she was on Ambien and she said no, but I'm not sure I believe her. Why does this nonsense happen to me? 

Kelsey and I were with Dad and Kathy for like the whole weekend and they were being so weird. We shared a suite with them. At like 7am on Saturday they thought it was cool to watch some "hilarious" movie (Runaway Jury) and be super loud. They kept hugging and touching each other and making us want to barf. I'm pretty sure Kelsey lectured them 10 times for being inappropriate. When did we become the adults?

On the way home Dad suggested I buy a camper or a boat to live in in Wilmington because I could travel wherever I want to in my actual house. I'm really excited to go up there with him in a few weeks to get some more "helpful" ideas. 

I cannot believe Candice leaves tomorrow. What are we going to do without her for a month?? I'm so jealous of her adventure! 

I'm exhausted so don't judge me for this terrible, unorganized post. I need to go to bed and recuperate from vacation.