Abounding love

My relationship with the L-word is laughable, but things are happening. Wilmington changed me. For some reason, I've let myself go. The L-word just flies into the air at random and I'm unable to stop it. The logical side of my brain resists, but I can't fight it for long. I think I've turned my lonely homesickness into pure, raw emotion that explodes into outbursts of love. People use that word for their husbands and wives, but I just throw it around these days. It's not right. I need to clear the air around here, so I'm using this post as a confessional:

Rupert Friend has been on like three episodes of Homeland and I'm already OBSESSED. He's gorgeous and mean-- my type. 

Stephen Amell. No explanation needed.

When he proposed to Leslie, I answered thinking he meant me. 

Sometimes I laugh so hard an L-word or two slips out.

He makes me laugh like none other.

Reese or Danny, I don't care. Chris Messina is gorgeous. His dry humor is a perk.

Matthew makes me want a commitment. Perfect husband. Where are my hot cousins? 

I want her life. 

Who doesn't love Connie Britton? GODDESS.

I watched Mean Girls, okay?

The Alabama Crimson Tide. Obvs.

I think everyone already knows my soulmate. He gets the L-word at least once a day.

Look at that face y'all. 

My name is Lauren, and I have a problem.

To paraphrase Amy Winehouse, there will be no rehab.  

TWD fans- spoilers ahead.

The Walking Dead is back in full swing, and so are it's fans. Every Sunday my social networking is bombarded with opinions related to TWD, and I don't really mind it. Lord knows I've done my share of TWD-related word vomit, especially mid-episode when Rick knifes a guy in the skull. TWD fans are passionate people. They know who they like, who they don't, and are experts on what to do in every situation presented. I have found that these people can be split into four** categories:

TEAM RICK. The good guys. People in this category know the world will be righted once again, if only everyone would shut up and listen to Rick. Though the world is in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, right and wrong still exists, and you must do the right thing. They want you to listen to your conscience and to be sympathetic towards your fellow man in this time of crisis. When the time comes, though, you may have to make some tough choices. You may not like what you have to do, but it's for the greater good. Sometimes you have to kill your best friend. Sometimes your wife cheats on you and gets pregnant by God-only-knows-who. You step up and do what needs to be done, because the world needs you.

TEAM SHANE. The rebels. People in this category are obviously living in the past since their leader died twice last season. Nevertheless, this group see flaws in Rick's good-over-evil mentality. The whole world has gone to hell and come back to eat them. What good is left? They see no potential for a happy ending, but want comfort until their end comes to find them. Everyone in the world will become a walker at some point, so why trust anyone? They see Rick as the popular guy in high school. He's hot and has everything you want. So, naturally, you idolize him while nursing your underlying jealously and diabolical plan to overthrow him. This group makes cutthroat decisions. When in doubt, kill. Take matters into your own hands instead of waiting for the white knight to come in and save you. Look out for yourself, your family, and no one else.

TEAM OUTCASTS. The hipsters. This group loves Daryl, Glenn, Carol, Andrea, and everyone else that hangs out in the background waiting to do whatever Rick tells them. They don't want to be predictable by liking anyone with a main story line and potential for an Emmy nomination, so they picked someone at random to cheer for. They're cooler than you though. Darryl and his bow and arrow make the young girls swoon, if you're Maid Marion. Oh you're Merle's biggest fan? Well he was only in three episodes of the first season and called T-Dawg the N word, but I can totally see why you love him. T-Dawg's your favorite? You're right; his one word per episode completes the series. Besides, without the outcasts, who would Rick order around? This group thinks all the characters would have been dead long ago if not for that one time their outcast yelled "Walkers!" and got the whole group to safety. Survival in a zombie apocalypse requires a group effort, and someone has to do the grunt work.

TEAM YEAH ME TOO. The uninformed. This group watches an episode from time to time and thinks they should share their opinions as well. These opinions usually take the form of "That Carl is so cute" or "Poor Lori" or "Oh my God that's so disgusting". They treat the show like a movie that ends when one episode goes off and can be followed up but doesn't have to be. They missed the barn full of walkers and Shane killing Otis and other events that make them post generally irrelevant opinions. They ask how Lori's hair is so clean and how they get more ammunition and why they don't just shoot the walkers in the head. None of these things matter, but they have the right to ask! They won't pick any other side because it's a fictional television show, so it doesn't matter if they sound like idiots.

Note: I don't say all this just to point fingers at my fellow TWD fans. I identify with one of these groups and have floated through the permeable lines between the groups on a few occasions. I just dedicated thirty minutes to an entirely fictional world that I have no contact with for three more days. I welcome your judgement with open arms.




**Anyone who likes Lori or Carl has already been deleted from my social networking because I doubt we see eye to eye on anything. Having sex with your husband's best friend on the ground in the woods and running rampant through pastures screams barner, so I will have to agree to disagree for life.

Ode to Prince Maggot

Ok I was really going to write an ode but I'm too tired. For real though, someone kicked Prince Maggot across the breezeway and away from my door so I guess I lost my first UNCW friend. You will be missed.

In other news, what has two thumbs and stayed out past 11pm?!!? THIS GIRL.

My friend Brittany and I went to Midnight Madness tonight which ended up being pretty fun. She works for housing (so random) so I helped her paint and glitter her residents. I don't know if I've ever seen that much glitter. We went on some trek across campus in a huge line which would have been good for me to learn directions but it was dark. They gave us Dunkin Donuts so I'm not complaining. 

The actual pep rally was... interesting. At one point the basketball teams got up with the cheerleaders and dancers and had some kind of organized dance. Everything was so chill and everyone was so involved which made it was a cool experience. Three of the players were from Alabama! If the girl from Hoover didn't look so scary I would befriend her so we could split gas. 

Last night/this morning GLS and PAR had the Hayes brothers come and talk to us. They've written screenplays like The Reaping and House of Wax and they just made The Conjuring here last year. We each got individual time with them to pitch ideas and get advice and it was really awesome. I got a lot of advice about my own screenwriting and how to develop it so I'm feeling inspired to keep working. I also spent more time with my classmates, which is good. I usually spend my time doing homework and watching my DVR. Real life. 

One thing I'm going to work on is actually learning the campus. I still get lost every single day I try to go somewhere outside my classroom area and wander until I get to where I need to be. Being observant is not really my strong suit, but I'm working on it! I also just keep parking in random places and I have no idea what the parking rules are. So I need to get that in order, as well. 

I'm so excited to watch Bama-Mizzou tomorrow! Ole Miss and the barners should be pathetically entertaining as usual. Maybe LSU and SCar will just tie at 0. 

This post is so unorganized and kind of an embarrassment to my degree but I don't care at the moment. 

RTOTA from Wilmtown. 

Hey you guys!

A lot has changed since my last posts! I made an A in my Spanish class and graduated from UA in August. I don't live in the igloo with my parents anymore, which is a Godsend. I started school at the University of North Carolina Wilmington in August and have been living 8 hours away from my family and friends. The GLS program has been interesting so far. I've met a lot of intriguing people from a lot of different backgrounds. Grad school has turned out to be way more intense than undergrad, which I expected, but that doesn't make it fun.

Wilmington is a really cool town. I feel like there's something here for everyone; you just have to find your niche. I've found a lot of cool book stores and thrift shops to explore. I spend the majority of my time in my apartment or on campus, though. It's been really hard to be away from my friends and family and I get homesick a lot. I'm very thankful for this opportunity, though, and I'm learning a lot about myself. I still keep in touch with the majority of my friends from home. I appreciate the ones who have reached out to check on me and my new life. It's good to talk things through with the people who know me best. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a different country, not just a different time zone, so I enjoy hearing stories from home and telling stories from here. 

Football season is killing me so far. I know it's not everything, but it's something in Bama that it's not here. The guys here watch it, but I don't understand what the girls do on Saturdays. I never fully appreciated SEC culture for what it is until I didn't have it anymore. Those of you who still have access should cherish it.  

My life is still as fictitious as ever. Some girls kiss frogs to get princes, some girls have said princes commit suicide on their doorstep. Meet Prince Maggot. I named him that because he is now filled with maggots. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a few days, but I had to eventually face the facts that he is dead. That weird spot beside him is where he actually died. I attempted to move him and found the maggots so that's where he is for now. I still haven't figured out how to move him without contaminating my stuff. 

He's as dead as any dead animal that has ever died.

Also, it rains every day here. So if anyone wants to come visit me, be prepared. Shout out to Candi who has already done so!

And all my shows are back. So if anyone wants to chat about TV, you know I'm down. I'm sure the next few posts will be about TV so I will stop now before this post gets any longer. 

A Linda se le perdio su mente.

Yesterday was the weirdest day we have ever had in class. I'm pretty positive Linda has been hitting some kind of meds to cope with her personal life, and I think she doubled up doses. First of all, Crazy Lillie is obsessed with notecards. She makes them for every quiz and sits there at the beginning of class like a supernerd reading them over and over. This would be normal if Linda didn't practically give us the answers. For example, Greg and I didn't study at all and made a 100 on the vocab quiz yesterday because she went over the answers before she handed us the paper. While Linda is reading directly from the quiz, Lillie is still reading those stupid notecards and passing them over to Crystal who apparently doesn't understand that Linda is telling us the answers. So then we start the quiz and Greg and I finish in like 5 minutes and are just waiting on the other two to quit being stupid. Then Lillie gets up and starts asking Linda questions about half the words on the quiz like "What does this word mean?" Well it's a quiz, idiot. So Linda calls her out. "You have all your notecards over there and you still have to come up here and ask me questions. I think you just like your exercise." Then Crystal turns her in and she has managed to screw it up (shocker) so Linda calls her out too, "Well this word is a noun so its definition is probably not a verb." "I thought this word meant happy?" "Well you matched it up with a verb that means the opposite of happy so I don't know why you would do that." This is in front of the whole class. She also tried to make us all a cup of tea from some place in the Himalayas. Thanks, we'll pass.

Then Linda starts talking about the next vocabulary quiz and says, "Was it you I was telling about the vocabulary or was it... uh... your other classmate... uh... Meredith? Did I just tell Meredith?" We just stared blankly then she just said "Oh nevermind, I'll just explain again." At this point I looked at Greg and asked "Who the hell is Meredith?" We don't have another classmate. No one named Meredith has ever been in our class.

Then she starts explaining how we would describe our brothers and sisters as older or younger and she brings up James and Jesus as an example. She goes off in lalaland again as she starts to ponder out loud, "I wonder what it was like to have Jesus as a brother. Do you think it would be strange to have a perfect brother? I think I would love it. My brother could look out for me all the time, etc." We were all looking at each other like WTF (except for Crystal of course who was mesmerized by a blank sheet of paper).

We were listening to an oral conversation later and the people were Cuban and talked faster than our usual conversations, so she made fun of them. "They're Cuban so they think they need to talk fast." Then she was reading back the conversation slower and she was mocking the way their voices sounded. So far this semester she has offended her husband, gay people and every country that speaks Spanish.

We're supposed to get out of class at 12:30 but we usually get out at like 12. At like 12:28, she picks up her cell phone, looks at the screen, and says, "I guess we can pick up here tomorrow. I'll go ahead and let y'all out 30 minutes early." We look at her weirdly and she says, "It's noon." Lillie says, "No it's 12:30 now." "Oh... well I'm just out of it today." Yeah no shit.

I'm going to include some text messages so everyone knows I am telling the God's honest truth about these people. I only have 12 more days, but it might as well be an eternity.

This one is proof of how weird Lillie is:

This is from this morning. 

Pick me, choose me, love me.

Monologues like this make me want to be a writer. What girl hasn't thought this? I would never ever say it out loud, but Meredith does. She makes herself so vulnerable it's almost painful to watch. In my opinion, if anyone has the guts to actually say that out loud to the person they love, the person they love should accept this challenge. Derek was so stupid back then.

While I wish I could be more normal like Meredith, I'm a Christina. This is as vulnerable as it gets for her, and I can't help but feel her pain.

This episode from season 2 is one of my faves and it was on Lifetime today so I thought I would share. I miss the old Grey's before it got so complicated and everyone started dying off one by one.

Life Update!

I know my blog has been sketch lately, so I wanted everyone to know that my DVR and I are still happy and in love. It's time I get back to basics and talk about what's really important in my life.

Let's talk Emily.
The Men Tell All.

I'm just jumping right in to my thoughts on all the nonsense that went down tonight. First of all, everyone who was eliminated on like night 2 needs to go ahead leave because I don't remember your names whatsoever.

I'm going to be honest. Kalon is rich, almost too good looking, and from Texas, so it really hurts me inside to hate him. The guy really just gets worse and worse though. On that same thought, why isn't GTFO the Bachelorette tagline? If I was giving out roses, it would be. "If you didn't get roses, GTFO." I'm glad Emily put him in his place because he really deserved it.

Every time ABC has to bleep Emily, I feel better about my life. I could never be the Bachelorette because I have no filter, and apparently neither does she. She really gives me hope.

Even though Kalon was the harshest, Ryan and Chris are the worst two men on the show in my opinion.
Chris was being such a baby the whole time and made me want to change the channel. Also, his dancing skills are on par with his personality. Kathy says Chris's mannerisms remind her of Gary (my sister's controlling ex) which isn't exactly a stretch. Dad cannot stand Chris's face to be on the screen, much less for him to talk. Kathy said, "Didn't they show him in bed with like three different people? He's right back on the horse... so to speak." I don't think she's ready for BP.

On the other hand, Dad is fascinated by Ryan. I guess I understand, because the guy is insane. I'm glad ABC compiled all of his smooth talking into one video because it was so entertaining.

And Sean! Sean, please call me. I feel so sorry for Emily. Sean is the direct opposite of my type, but I would seriously marry him today. He is so committed and serious about relationships, which is so comforting. He has a great family and a great job and seems really stable. Why you would choose a race car driver and a skateboarder instead is beyond me. I see what she sees in the other two, but you're looking for a husband and a father, Emily! Sean is perfection. She talks about her ugly crying while she was watching Sean's episode, but I couldn't care less. You dumped him! You broke his heart, and America's.

Between the bottom two, I personally would choose Jef. Jef is really funny. I think he and I would be besties if we actually knew each other because he tells my kind of jokes. I don't think he's ready to be a dad and I don't think he and Emily will last, but I like him. Of course I have this knack for picking men that aren't right for me, so he kind of fits. I would make him change his hair, obvs. Arie is hot, but I feel like he would be so uninteresting. It would be like talking to a wall. Maybe that's just the editing, though, since Emily claims he is hilarious. I'm interested to see what happens!

Um the Bachelor Pad preview was the best entertainment! REID!!! REID!! REID! I love him. I was Team Reid before there was a Team Reid. I couldn't believe Jillian dumped him when she did. He is totally my type. Complete nerd. He is my favorite Bachelor and I've seen pretty much every season. I'm excited to watch Ed too even though I hated him from day 1. (MB and I used to agree to disagree on this, but I think she might understand why I don't like him.) He cheated on Jillian (who looks like a supermodel and is awesome) and he dissed Alabama on Twitter. Um no. It's over. I hope Reid puts him in his place. Or drowns him in the pool. Mostdramaticbachelorpadever! I'm glad Michael is back too! I like him and think he deserves to find someone. The rest of the previews was basically a giant orgy. Who in the hell would have sex with Chris and how are there three of them under one roof?? And Lindzi went from Ben (ew) to Kalon (double ew)?? (Are Ben and Courtney still together? Someone update me.) This year is going to be crazy. I hope ABC served penicillin with their breakfasts or an epidemic might break out.

1100 miles later...

Dad, Kathy, and I went to Wilmington this weekend to check out apartments for the new life I'm beginning this far. We drove halfway on Thursday night (to Columbia) and spent the night then went the rest of the way Friday. Then, we spent the weekend searching high and low for any and all apartments that would fit my budget (free) and standards (not a rape closet). We went to 18 places total, give or take, and finally settled on one I'm still not happy with. It's 0.4 miles from the front door of my class building, but I was hoping to be farther away from campus. I'm not 18 anymore, but looks like I'll be chilling with the undergrads. I managed to locate the Moe's and Target, which is very important.  

One complex tried to create the look of bubbles with packing peanuts. 

Found Idiot Headquarters 

When I found this one online I thought it might be a winner, but it turned out to be the scariest one. Go figure.

This is my actual apartment. I was really tired so I took the worst pics ever. 

  

The beach is 5 miles away!! 

Friday night we went out on the town to downtown Wilmington. We had no idea where we were going so I just picked a random place to eat that had broken air conditioning. Kathy and I picked two of their "famous" martinis and she got a little drunk. By a little, I mean she didn't know what mashed potatoes were when the waitress put them on the table. Dad thought it was best to go home after that. When we got to the hotel, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was on HBO!! My parents have never seen any HP movie and know nothing about it, but my trip, my tv. It was at the very end when Harry realizes he has to go meet Voldemort. So imagine trying to explain what is going on to people who don't know any of the storyline. At least I didn't sob this time. We're making progress. 

We found this Rolling Stones tribute band in downtown Wilmington on Friday. 

 The Raindrop and Blueberry Heaven 

Saturday was a nightmare. We toured a lot of apartments and I hated all of them. I knew I had to pick one soon, so I just pretended to be happy and filled out the application. I also got in trouble for being rude to all the people that go to UNCW. I'm sorry, I can't be dealing with people telling me I need a bike for a campus that would fit inside of UA's quad. You people need to get it together. I went to Alabama. Maybe that's pretentious, but I don't care. Don't tell me about college, either, because I'm a professional student. That night we drove back to Columbia to stay for the night. I begged the parents to stop at some sort of bar, and BWW was actually having a special on Bud Light. I didn't even order food because all I wanted to do was pass out. Finally, the 23 year old was the drunk one. 

We went shopping on Sunday on the way home and found an 80% off sale at New York and Company. Score! Jillian has been doing her job and I'm back into the size I should be in instead of the size I am after stress-eating. I celebrated by eating a cookie.  

We got home at like 4:30 and I was only able to keep my eyes open until 9:30. It's a hard knock life.

I still haven't unpacked and I had a Spanish test today. I'm still exhausted, so naturally I decided to make a drink and float in the pool for like 45 minutes. I think I've learned too much from Don Draper. While I was out there I watched a fat squirrel steal a tomato and a freaking bird used the bathroom and took a bath in the pool. While I was in it. I also heard a strange noise in the garage so I went inside before I could be held liable for anything that was happening out there.

LM made it to Nola!! (RIP Lil Homie, who did not)

Did you know that I love you? Or were you not aware?

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting my faithful readers again! I went straight to the one guy I knew that could make it up to you. I know it's not a real video, but that voice is enough. When he says "Were you not aware?" it reminds me of George saying "I am aware" about his baldness. So here's another nugget.

 

This past weekend I was reunited with most of my besties in Huntsville for Mary Beth's engagement party. The party was cool but going out and just being with my friends was so much fun. One of the funniest parts of the night was Kelsey introducing herself as Lauren. It was also hilarious when we thought we were going to one bar and then they tricked us into going in Sammy T's! We were in there for a good 45 minutes and I had no idea where we were. I kept thinking "OMG they have two boom boom rooms in Huntsville??" Then I legit argued with Lauren Mann when she told me it was Sammy T's. I was so confused. Church was really good on Sunday, too. On the way home Lara and I were exhausted and hungover and talking about Six Flags, so I missed a turn to keep us on the right road. We ended up in Birmingham and had to backtrack to Pell City. It was reminiscent of the drive back from Gainesville, but thank God it wasn't that long.

Spanish is really trying my patience this week. There is a new girl in our class that I want to strangle. I'm not the best at Spanish, obviously, but this girl is dumber than a bag of hammers. We have to slow everything down. We do a lot of the exercises in the book out loud in class and we go in a row, one person at a time, until we finish the exercise. We do this everyday, and she never knows when it's her turn. She never knows the answer, either. Today we were doing subjunctive tense and she gave an answer in present tense. We did present in 101, homie. This is 202. Get your life together. The book is in front of you. Also, she is going to be absent tomorrow, so Linda kept us late so we could go over tonight and tomorrow's classwork AND she moved last night's homework to tonight. The old bat wasn't even going to let us go to the bathroom. I almost went in the floor. No one would even know it because the living conditions are so poor.

In my global news segment, Candi has found a boo. He thinks she's British. She didn't correct him. This sums up the essence of boowatch. Reality is a fleeting ideal. Sometimes you've just got to change your nationality when a boo is on the line. It's a cut throat game, and not everyone is cut out for it. Candi is firing on all cylinders though. She's like the boowatch MVP of the month. This is obvious since Lauren and I spend our time running away from the losers in our hometowns. 

My favorite part of her new boo is that he's Turkish. Obvs Downton Abbey comes to mind. If he looks anything like Pamuk, then God bless Candi and her little English heart. 

 

My dad is making me research apartments now, so God bless my sanity as well. 

 

 

36 Spanish-free hours!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but my life has been really stressful lately. I'll just leave it at that so no one has to hear the details. 

Something awesome happened today! We took our 201 final today and Linda said it could count twice to take the place of our lowest exam grade if we did well on it. I wasn't really counting on doing well because I am absolutely terrible with verb tenses and that was the majority of the exam. I did know I would get all the culture questions right because I'm baller at that for some reason. I can't tell you where my car keys are at the moment, but let me know if you need to know things about Mexican and Spanish culture. It was the hardest test I've taken in awhile and I ended up guessing on the majority of the test. I got up to turn my test in after Greg and he was asking her what she was going to do because she had put 10 extra questions on the test. That cray just gave us all 10 points. I'm apparently a good guesser and made a 98! It canceled out my 74 and boom I got a 97 in that crazy class AND I'm still alive. This is superb.

Before I got my test grade back though I was stressing about it so naturally I went home, made a drink, and got in the pool for an hour. It wasn't even sunny but who cares. Then I went inside and the Sex and the City finale was on E! so of course I laid in the floor in my bathing suit and watched it while I had another drink. Because I was slightly intoxicated I kept rewinding over and over to watch this scene. The dialogue is perfection. 

Big was my fave from day 1. He is hilarious, straight-forward, attractive, and an ass-- completely my type. I told all you Aiden lovers that she didn't belong with him. No one ever listens to me. 

I also teared up a little bit when Charlotte gets her baby. Alcohol does weird things.

Shout out to Candi for getting her LSAT score back! She did really well, so don't listen to her if she says otherwise! I'm so proud! 

Shout out to LM for sending in her housing contract today! She's so adult I can't deal. 

Also thanks to the friends that haven't been complete turds lately. I appreciate the effort. 

I'm off to study London! Adios. 

Greetings from my pool!

My DVR caught up with the current Laguna episode so I decided to go to the pool until the last few episodes were recorded so I don't have to watch the commercials. Fridays are my favorite.

I was in the worst mood last night because I did poorly on my Spanish test and the customers at the dealership were stressing me out, so I tried to be in a better mood today. Watching Laguna with LM is the usually the only time I get to have a personal life, so it helped for sure. Today we graduated and moved away from Laguna so it's been hard. We'll be in LA though so that will be cool. 

I think my sister is coming home this weekend so it should be fun. We're going to see Magic Mike. Kathy is super excited and it kind of weirds me out. We also have some family plans this weekend so I'm sure I'll have some good stories to write about. 

I was really honored to be mentioned in AP today. All of her Tulane classmates are turning out to be losers. Maybe they're like those people that are better once you get to know them. I think she's picked an apartment which is exciting because I will have some place to stay when I visit!

Ok the computer is overheating in this heat which has officially gone from 83 to 93 since I've been out here according to the iPhone. So I'm going to put it inside now and work on my tan*. Only one shift stands between me and the weekend! I'm almost there!

*Tan for me= the same color with more freckles. Please don't be jealous. I know everyone wants more freckles. I'm sorry for bragging, but polka dots are so in right now. 






OMG This deserves its own post. Some people decided to make a rap about my hometown. This is real life. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&v=jT16_Exm0ck&feature=youtube_gdata_player&nomobile=1

Someone cook me breakfast.

I have been up for an hour and thirty minutes studying Spanish for our test today. We have to write an essay so I'm writing it now and trying to memorize my answers. You know things are weird when you're trying to figure out how to talk about physical abuse in Spanish. I didn't choose the topic.

I would have done this last night but I ate dinner with my mother, her best friend Val and her husband Dudley. We had to discuss my mother's boo for like an hour and I thought I saw death coming for me. He's super sketchy and uses a TracFone. He invited my mother to the beach next week and she is seriously thinking about going. She has been on two dates with him and has known him for like 3 weeks. We all tried to talk her out of it, but she wants to go. I can't see this ending well, but she doesn't listen to reason. Ever. I missed Dallas to listen to all that. 

My Spanish class drama just keeps getting weirder. I think Lillie might kill me soon, so if I die someone needs to check her out. Greg wants to be my conversation partner instead of hers and she is legitimately freaking out. I don't care who my partner is as long as we make an A. She's in some twisted version of Fatal Attraction in which the man is gay and has a boyfriend.

Something good happened yesterday! I recorded the Laguna Beach episodes I was going to miss while in class and got to watch them during my extended lunch period. Kathy came home for lunch and I had to try to explain it to her. I don't think she was entertained. 

Candice is iMessaging me from Germany right now, so she is alive. She's initiating boowatch tonight at the soccer game. We've gone global. 

Back to studying. Hasta manana. 

Is boredom deadly?

MTV really took a stand against my academic career with this Laguna Beach marathon they show every morning. Instead of writing my composition, I'm writing this and watching Laguna. LM and I are analyzing every episode. I would like to cut out every scene with Jessica because she is so damn annoying. Jen Bunney too! We were so naive when we were younger because we didn't realize how much they partied. They are clearly drinking in every episode.

I chatted with Kelsey earlier this morning and she is bossing at her job right now. She got two separate emails from one of the anchors (that has been really mean to her in the past) thanking her for her hard work. The anchor CC'd Kelsey's bosses too. She is such a pro.

One person I have NOT talked to is Candice! I'm sure she's having a blast with all her sausages and German boos but I want to hear about it! LM and I are stuck here in reality and need some stories.

For the past two nights I have watched television with my parents. They let me watch Juno last night, which I appreciated. That was the highlight of my night-- watching a movie on Oxygen that I already own and have seen like twenty times. The big story around here is whatever is destroying our garden outside. Something is laying on top of the plants and eating the corn that's like 4 feet off the ground. I'm hoping it's the bear we keep hearing about on the news. This is my life. I can't wait for our August roadtrip!!

Michael Cera is so cute. 

I wish I was half as hilarious as Juno.

"You know what, I would save the receptionist. Just wanted to clear that up."

I'm watching Booze Cruise for probably the 10th time. I'm reminiscing about wanting to slap Pam. Roy over Jim? Are you insane? Michael gave Jim the best advice ever. People don't realize it's a motivational show. 

Spanish class is being a real pain in the rear lately. Crazy Linda couldn't be in class today so she sent her parseltongue husband to teach us. He admittedly doesn't know grammar. He talked at us about culture and men beating women in Latin America for the entire class time and kept us late. We were all texting each other but no one would get up the guts to make him stop. Know-it-all was eating it up and asking stupid questions that kept going for days. Also, someone reported Crazy Linda because she's so offensive and now GSCC is calling all of us to get the story. I'm super excited for this turn of events. I love drama so much I can't stand it. I'll be 2 for 2 for my Spanish teachers getting fired if they keep this up. I'm a little nervous because I need this class to graduate.

I miss Candice already. She has been gone for a few hours now. Lauren and I are on our own for a month. We are planning to fill her inbox with nonsense so she has info to read about America.

I'm about to fall out because I'm so tired. I taught my parents how to plank earlier and they were dying. I told dad planking is perfect for him (yeah, this rocking 14 year old boy's body I stole is hereditary) because abs are our main problem area. So I show him what I mean and they think I'm just laying on the ground like a beached whale. Before long we were all planking across the living room floor. I think I've changed his entire workout plan. No one copyright planking during commercials! It's my workout plan! I plan to make money off it somehow.

I'm going to bed now after I watch The Injury. You should watch it too. I hope I dream about bacon.

Sorry it's poor quality. I don't control YouTube.

One day I'll write a coherent post. Believe it or not, I'm not even on Ambien.

Inappropriate.

Our family vacay was this weekend, which turned out to be a whole bunch of weird crammed into one weekend. My divorced parents were forced to interact in public and pretend they like each other. Kathy and my mom pretended to like each other. It was really cute and I didn't buy a second of it. You people are not friends. Please stop. 

Kathy's parents were in Mobile too and Friday night Kelsey, Dad, Kathy, and I ate with them at Fly Creek Cafe in Fairhope. There were so many people there it ended up being a four hour affair. Thirty minutes in, a band featured on Andy Griffith started to play so Kelsey and I went to the bathroom (bar) and didn't come back. The grandparents don't approve of alcohol, so we had to hide in the back corner to drink over our boo problems. This led to more lectures from Dad about our alcoholism but I cannot deal with songs about washboards while I starve to death without some kind of liquid encouragement. Oh at the end of the meal, two drunk men walked right past Kelsey and me and hit on Kathy and our grandmother. It was potentially the most discouraging thing ever after our long elaborate talk an hour earlier. Men are so confusing. I never know what's going on with any of them. I wish people would just be straight forward. 

The next day we went to the beach in Gulf Shores which was okay except for the tropical storm nonsense. We kept getting in the water because it was so freaking hot, but the waves kept knocking us down. It was like doing Jillian on vacation. The waves knocked me down and stole my sunglasses. Then they took me to Alvin's Island and they were picking up everything in the store. Oh look at this hermit crab. Look at this bag of seashells. Look at this tie dye shirt. Look at this boogie board. I almost committed a few murders. 

That night, the whole family got together. While I was worrying about dinner, I apparently missed Kathy drinking half of a bottle of wine. She thought it was a good idea to have dinner with her husband and his ex-wife and all the kids when she couldn't form a sentence. Thank God they served some bread and everything turned out okay.

Today Jordan got baptized at his church so we all went as a family. Again. Mother picked this time to let her crazy out and couldn't stop crying. She game him some speech about being proud of him and cried through the whole service. It was so embarrassing. I asked if she was on Ambien and she said no, but I'm not sure I believe her. Why does this nonsense happen to me? 

Kelsey and I were with Dad and Kathy for like the whole weekend and they were being so weird. We shared a suite with them. At like 7am on Saturday they thought it was cool to watch some "hilarious" movie (Runaway Jury) and be super loud. They kept hugging and touching each other and making us want to barf. I'm pretty sure Kelsey lectured them 10 times for being inappropriate. When did we become the adults?

On the way home Dad suggested I buy a camper or a boat to live in in Wilmington because I could travel wherever I want to in my actual house. I'm really excited to go up there with him in a few weeks to get some more "helpful" ideas. 

I cannot believe Candice leaves tomorrow. What are we going to do without her for a month?? I'm so jealous of her adventure! 

I'm exhausted so don't judge me for this terrible, unorganized post. I need to go to bed and recuperate from vacation. 

You know you're old when...

... you suddenly need glasses.

We all know I don't do photography and I'm not photogenic so I just snapped this MySpace pic before work today to show off my new 1st grade teacher look. I'm not too happy about it. Kelsey said I'm a first grade teacher she'd like to f---, which is a compliment I think? 

These past few days have been interesting to say the least. John came up with the idea to take a trip to London and of course I agreed to it. London is like my dream place to visit so I couldn't turn down that opportunity. I have no money but that's a minor detail. I'm working on it. John might explode if we don't book something soon but I think he's trying to be patient at least. I'm trying not to get overexcited about it until we do actually book something.

Clearly anyone who knows me or follows me on Twitter knows the thing taking up the majority of my time is the new Justin Bieber CD. OMG I cannot even deal. The whole London suggestion went down while I was trying to download the CD so it was a big like 30 minutes in my life. I am trying to think of how to describe it, but I'll just say it's awesome. Right now, my favorites are Die in Your Arms, Be Alright, and Right Here. But it really hurt me to type that because I hate picking favorites. I listen to Die in Your Arms an obscene amount of times everyday. (I commute for two hours a day so don't judge me. Or judge me, whatever.) Catching Feelings and She Don't Like the Lights are my least favorites. (DOESN'T, Justin. She DOESN'T like the lights.) I can't believe I have to wait until January to see his concert. I'm trying to talk John into coming to the one in NC and I'm most definitely going to the one in Atlanta with my fellow Beliebers. I just have to #believe time will be on my side. (See what I did there?) 

OMG today the worst thing happened. I was making my calls as per usual and I called and asked for someone and the person replied "I'm sorry he passed away." OMG. I of course started apologizing profusely and the poor widow on the phone started crying before I could get off the phone. I almost went home. I felt so bad. Instead I typed a few emails to customers I had already left messages for. I was for real depressed there for about an hour or two. The good news is that two of the people I talked to bought a car today!! I need to take that money and put it directly in the London fund. 

Tengo un examen espanol de la manana y no quiero estudiar. Los verbos va a matarme.

Today in class Linda got super racist and started talking about how terrible Latin American men are and how women from America shouldn't have relationships with them because they view women as property and are mean. This of course offended Greg because his novio is from Mexico and Linda knew that and said it anyway. So he called her out for generalizing an entire group of people. She then apologized by saying she was talking about Latin American men and American women and she knows nothing about men and men and "has nothing to do with things like that." It was super offensive all around and pretty much a joy to watch. Apparently she offered Greg some money for clothes the other day after class because she thought he needed new clothes. WTF Linda.

Shout out to Greg for getting engaged last night. He's getting married at Sea World! 

My life is boring.

I have to do my Spanish homework so I'm making this fast.
I saw Rock of Ages. Even though it seems like they made it especially for me, it sucked.
Kelsey was sick with some sort of flu this weekend and spread it around our house. She also didn't come home on Friday night which made for an interesting morning.
I spent the majority of my last Bryant paycheck at Gap. I found a pair of pants that fit which I haven't had in years so I'm contemplating wearing them everyday. I might put them on to do my homework.
Church was super weird today. The youth sang some horrible, loud music. Some little girl pretended to do sign language but I'm fairly sure she made it up. I don't see deaf people whipping their hair like Willow Smith.  My dad and the preacher had a little tiff mid-sermon which I thought was precious. And he thinks I have a temper? Get it together. My siblings were absent so they missed all of it.
We ate lunch with the grandparents. My Nana kept saying I look prettier every time she sees me which leads me to believe I was a troll as a child. She also kept trying to say some 11 year old she knows "swam for USA" last week, which is clearly incorrect on so many levels.
I had to go on a Sonic run at happy hour to get mixers for my parents because they wanted to stay in the pool.
We watched the US Open from 4pm-10pm pretty much. I was super annoyed that Michael Thompson didn't win. I'm going to do my Spanish now and I'll try to think of something more entertaining for you to read about next time!

I miss Michael Scott so could someone take me/go with me to see this?

Good Afternoon

Usually I post when I get home from work but I have a date tonight (with Lara) to see Rock of Ages so I'll probably forget.

I went to the eye doctor today for the first time in my life. It was less painful than I thought it would be except for making me feel ancient. Turns out part of my cornea is farsighted and part of it is nearsighted so I just can't see in general. I picked out some glasses that really make me look like a nerd, but I only have to wear them when I'm doing things that require focusing like reading or watching TV. That's pretty much all I do so this could get interesting. Maybe I'll be able to read the TV now. Also, no one told me how much glasses cost, including the morons at the eye place so I got a little frustrated. She told me the total and when I asked her to explain to me how plastic and glass cost so much, my mother freaked out and told me not to talk anymore. I thought it was a valid question. We'll see if these things actually work and if they don't I'm getting that money back.

I ate lunch with my mother which would be normal, but nothing about my life is normal. She went on a date last night and thought it was appropriate to give me all of the details. I already had a headache from dilated eyes then she made me want to puke with all that nonsense. This guy has four kids that all have four names. He has no wife because she ran away. When I asked why she ran away Mother acted like that was a ridiculous question. Then my older brother and his girlfriend called her on speakerphone to hear all about it and asked her a lot more details. Girlfriend is just so interested in every detail and starts screaming like a banshee when Mother tells her he brought roses to the restaurant. Neither of them understand why that is appalling to me. "You don't understand romance." Well Girlfriend is dating my brother who is one of the goofiest people I know and my mother is old and senile. I just had to excuse myself from the rest of the conversation before they brainwashed me. I plan to call Jordan later to relay the details and see if I can make him puke.

Lauren Mann has figured out that a lot of the Bryant guys are in gangs so I'm really happy we got out of there but I'm worried Candice might need to bring a weapon to the desk. As if they weren't scary before.

Oh and Mary Beth sent me this link while I was at the doctor's office and I legit almost cried. It's terrifying. READ IT
Candice and I are now planning to adopt. The cats might need something to play with.


I'm about to go to work now then meet Lara to gripe about our adult lives in boring towns. Alec Baldwin awaits. Cheerio.

(Brokenhearted is on Pandora at this very moment.)

See I've been waiting allll dayyyy

I have had this song in my head all day so I wanted to share it with you guys. And listen to it again of course.

Linda wasn't playing any games with that Spanish test today. The vocab section should have been the easiest part, but we had to put the words in fill-in-the-blank sentences. It looked really simple until I realized I didn't know half of the other words in the sentences. That should be entertaining for her to grade. I just got the heck out of there ASAP.

Work was super boring because I've already made contact with everyone on my list so I'm done with all that nonsense for the next few days at least. I have noticed that I am learning a lot at my job though. For one thing, there is only one saleswoman, so I'm spending a lot of time around men. Between that and Bryant I should be a translator for both sexes at this point. I'm also learning about tools and cars and other information I hope I never need. Did you know Tacomas come standard with backup cameras? Toyota doesn't get to pick their own inventories. It's just randomly distributed. Toyota dealerships in Alabama sell more red cars than anywhere else in the Southeast (RTR) and we have to trade some with Georgia dealers every month to please our customers. Yeah, I told you you didn't want to know. Maybe one day someone will be impressed with my knowledge. OMG last night someone threw that Quikrete concrete mix stuff all over a brand new Mustang at Ford (where my Dad works). Since they don't have cameras the store has to pay for the damage. Let's be real, I would have taken that Mustang with the damage.

My sister is coming home tomorrow!! I'm excited to hear more about her life since I spend most of mine in boredom. Speaking of, I died of boredom today on Twitter and no one tried to resuscitate me so I'm mad at all of my followers. Candice and Lauren get a pass because I died in our group text first and they saved me. Anyways, I have to clean our room so it doesn't look like I just spend all day changing outfits. Although I practically do because you can't just wear business clothes to GSCC. They would think I was the dean.

Ok I've watched this video like 5 times since yesterday. It's Biebs at Wembley. He's on the Today Show tomorrow! Shoutout to John for tweeting it to me although I don't think he knows this blog exists. I just tried to spell exists like egsists or something so it's time for bed. Adios.


Update: Someone take me to Harry Potter World. I just saw a commercial while I was spellchecking.

Something miraculous just happened...

... a McDonalds in Calhoun county just got my order right!

Today has been insane. I was in such a good mood when I went to bed and woke up to insanity. First of all Pandora played Nickelback as my second song of the day. I should have known this day was headed for crazytown. THUMBS DOWN.

Then I get to Spanish class for our review before the test and I'm super annoyed by our Mr. Know-It-All in residence FROM THE START. Cierra su boca! Then me and this other girl in my class go to the restroom and she tells me he's not even registered in the class! So that pretty much makes me want to shank him and then I remember she curved our test based on his grade and I would've made a 100 if it wasn't for him. Operation Get Rid of the Loser starts tomorrow. Also, randomly without any hints, Linda was teaching us how to say we like things in Espanol, and she seriously asked me if I like Justin Bieber. It was weird. I kind of went a little far with my response but she said she was proud of me. I long for her approval. 

I call my realtor to try to get their nonsense under control and they have charged us $60 because they think Yappie chewed a seal off of our door. Yappie? Do physical activity? Ummm try again. They also messed up my rent for like the 5th month out of 10 that we've lived there. So I kind of lost my mind on them. When I'm mad I have to rant to calm down so I let loose on my dad when I got home for lunch. Turns out he is a terrible ranting partner. He didn't even listen to or affirm anything I said. OMG. Then, when I insisted that they should all die in a barn fire, he told me I wasn't being ladylike. I'm pretty sure my response was "You're not ladylike!" That pretty much sums up how mad I was. 

I tried to lower my blood pressure so I could go to work, but nothing was working. I tried everything normal people do like breathing deeply and putting my head between my legs, but I'm not normal. So I did what Don Draper would do and dug into the "secret" (As in my parents think it's a secret but we've been partaking for years) alcohol stash and had a drink. Sorry not sorry. It worked. 

I got to work like 10 min late and thank goodness I got to email people instead of calling today. So I emailed everyone in like an hour and a half then for the other hour and a half I pretended to work. I made a bunch of Spanish notecards that I now have to go through. Test tomorrow. My parents are home talking my ears off about VBS. 

I'll leave you with this: 

This is what we do all day.


Update: Last night I had a dream that Candice, LM and I were at a petting zoo and I tried to steal a fox. LM thinks it's a premonition. I'm hoping there's more to this story since I never got my pet wolf. I asked my dad about a dog just now and he had no response. He didn't say no...